I used to be lonely, but then I got a divorce.

I don’t recall where I heard the quote that is the title of this post. I heard it in the midst of a happy time during my marriage. Although it gave me a chuckle, I had no inkling how apt to my life it would prove to be.

Yes, once more another provocative post by the Dating Goddess has inspired me. Sorry, to be so lazy with my own ideas: she writes such good stuff! In any case, DG wrote a lovely post about not letting a bad relationship keep you from dating. I agree with what I believe is the main idea: don’t let a bad relationship control you long past the actual breakup. Hear! Hear!

However, I did bristle a bit at what is probably the unintentional message that the only well-adjusted choice is start dating again. Good friends have told me they believe that unless one is in a relationship, once can’t be whole and happy. That it is somehow unnatural to not be paired up.

I could get into a pissing contest listing pros and cons for being…um…not necessarily celibate, but not dating. However, I’m not interested in convincing anyone to remain single, nor am I worried about being a singleton. I understand the impulse and applaud my friends who continue to seek out and build new relationships. I hope my friends Ponzi and Chris grow very old and very contented together. I wish for them the very best of the happiest marriages and no insurmountable challenges.

Romantic relationships won’t guarantee that you’ll find “the love you want and deserve,” as the DG says so sweetly. It’s possible to find love and contentment alone.That said, there is that wedding I have to go to sans male escort. But then again, it’s all about the bride and groom, isn’t it? ;-D

So, staying single doesn’t mean one is scared to ride the horse (tho’ I am, I admit). It just means there are more ways than the horse to get from here to there.

Happy life…in the here and now!

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1 Comment »

  1. Well said! Yes, I didn’t mean to imply that one cannot be happy alone. Only that if you know you are happier coupled, then don’t allow a bad experience to turn you off from dating completely.

    It would be as if you knew you really wanted a house with a view of the ocean and all the ones you saw were shacks, out of your price range, or someone else snapped up the ones you liked. Would you resign yourself to a no-view home? I hope not. You’re perhaps take a little break, create a new strategy and continue looking. Yes? You wouldn’t give up on what you really wanted just because of some setbacks.

    I hope that makes my point clearer.

    Thanks for being such a faithful reader and glad to spur some thoughtful dialogue.

    DG

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